The pain you cause

Many people never see the pain they cause others because they never stick around for the aftermath. But for those of us that do stick around for the aftermath, we know the pain we cause, we see it in that persons conversation, in their actions in their behavior. The things we don't see are the internal workings of that person. We don't see the defense mechanisms that were triggered. We don't see the scorn and the anger that has begun to build because of our actions, we don't see the scars that will never heal. This will not be a long post, this will be a simple piece of advice, before you spark up that conversation that you know you shouldn't be sparking up, before you get involved with that man or woman that you have not business being involved with, before you tell that lie, to cover your ass, think past that moment think past the pleasure, think past your ego, think past your fear. Think deep into the heart of the person you are involved with, think in the future aftermath of your choices. Put yourself their and realize that the pain you cause in the end will not only be theirs but your own.

Peace,
The god

Inadequate

When do you release the feeling of being betrayed by the one you gave your all to? Is there a set amount of days, weeks, or hours that you have to achieve before you can graduate from the "Remnant" class? Remnant? Ummm you say. Yeah Remnants...whats left of you once you realized that all the time, trust, and love couldn't keep a motherfucker from being in a situation where the only reason is "it just happened, I didn't plan it." Yes fucker you did. See, society has a knack for making things obviously wrong taboo. The fact that your man hides porn from you is because he doesn't want you looking at him sideways for looking at it. The fact that you have to go beyond your "standard scope of practice" to hide an affair makes the whole scenario wrong. You put pins and codes on your phone, buy lubes and toys and hide them in the car, collect all the bills so your significant other doesn't get the chance to see what you've been spending ya'll's money on, and/or the whole separate account that they don't even know exists. Do you see how much extra energy is exerted when your trying to hide, sneak, and manipulate?

Now I have had my own experiences with cheaters. As a matter of fact, I have only been in 3 relationships. All of them have their story of infidelity. Not on my part, but on his. Believe me, I could have so many times its RIDICULOUS!!!! It's just not my thang. Anywhoooo, back to what we were discussing. All 3 of these relationships were with 3 totally different personalities of men. But they all left me with the same feeling inside------Inadequate. Each one compounding on the previous one. The funny thing about healing is that the wound gets covered over by layers of scar tissue and if you happened to hit or reinjure that same area, the wound reopens. The second time around it takes longer to heal and your body tends to remind you of the ordeal with a bigger scar.

So why is it when your significant other cheats, they are not willing to let you heal? Why is it that they want you to forgive and forget overnight? Most people do not understand that the forgiving takes place much more readily than the forgetting. Its harder to forget how you felt when you were told or you discovered the infidelity. That feeling is worse than anything you can imagine. It is essentially a death to your soul. At that moment, you know that there is no way that the love you once knew could ever be mended. It will take a greater love to be able to move past it and not want to cause them physical and psychological harm every time you look at them. (Believe me it's a daily process) And even there are plenty of times when a person is not even willing to try to forgive. They just can't.

So what to expect from the person who forgave? Well there are two types of people who forgive----the one who literally turns the other cheek and acts as if this is your one "get out of jail free card" and there's the other 99%, the one who forgives, but there is no trust. This is the relationship of hazard. This is the relationship where you have the drive-bys, the phone taps, the unexpected visits, the clothes check, the video cameras, the phone records investigation, the bank alerts that come directly to your phone, the tracking devices, etc. etc. It's essentially a Diary of A Mad (insert race) (insert gender) in living color. This relationship is in turmoil until the "cheatee" is satisfied that no further wrongdoing is occurring. This could take weeks, months, or even years. YEARS!!!! Yes years, why? Because it took many years for them to build that relationship with you. In those countless years, everyday was a brick in the foundation of trust. And in a matter of seconds, that foundation was broken because the "cheater" did not process their "choice" all the way to the ending.

"But it just happened!" The one thing that I have learned in my many years of counseling, is that everything you do in life is a matter of choice. If you become a crack head, its because you once chose to smoke crack. There are no real excuses. You received a call or a text from someone you know (met) whatever, you decide to meet up for drinks or dinner or what have you. You already know if this person is someone with whom you are attracted to. You choose to meet at a time, conveniently, when your significant other is not around. This is most likely someone your significant other has not even been introduced to. Just yo "peoples." Some how or another boundaries are physically crossed...hands touch, wrestling, etc. which initiates additional contact. At some point you decide whether you want to fuck or not. You decide this. It may be a matter of 10 seconds, but you decide to go through with it. You decide to undress, unzip, expose yourself. Your clothes don't just magically disappear! During all of these moments, you could have stepped back and never gone through with it. But you didn't so the consequence of your action is the hurt, neurotic, ashamed, insecure shell of your girl/boyfriend, husband, or wife. It doesn't matter what age or gender.

Some people get over it by fucking someone else (an eye for an eye, bitch!), while others leave (fuck this!). Then there are those like me who are trying to get through the insecure, neurotic, hurt stage and move forward. It's hard as hell because I can't let him see me cry and as much as I want to stop checking everything; it is now my drug of choice. Sad thing is this behavior is destructive and I know it. It may push him away, but the love I had for him didn't keep him away from her. I think "that could be the next one" or "maybe this girl is more his type," with every woman I pass. I eyeball cars that leave our complex as I come home, thinking that I may catch a glimpse of the next bitch he fucks with. And all the while he's telling me that he's not doing anything.

That may very well be true, but my soul is not content yet. And logic dictates that if a lie came out of that mouth once; it could again. For those same lips told me that "I would try my best to never hurt you," "I love you," and "I will leave before I ever cheat." And we see how that all ended. Logic wins again!


~Isis~

Icy Hot

Staring at the mirror, disturbed by what I am.

Something less than astral, but so much more than man.

Ice fills my veins from the path that i have chosen.

Blood flowing cold from a heart long fronzen.

Cold and calm, still like frozen water.

Patient and chilling waiting for slaughter.

Steady and constant as the hand of death.

Gripping my prey till its dying breath.

I stare deeper into myself searching still.
Another side to my persona waiting to be revealed.

An inferno inside where the foulest of demons could not dwell.

A temper that smolders hotter than the embers of hell.

A rage so fierce it stands second to none. 

A fire inside, burning hotter than 1000 suns.

An anger inside ready to scorch earth.

Burning everything in my path since birth.

Guiding me, leading me, forging my will.

Searing into my mind vengeance, justice and retribution. 

Staring into the mirror wondering what i am.
Less than astral but much more than man.
I am two halves of a whole. I am ying I am yang
I am life, i am death.
I am eternal.

None of you have ever seen inside my mind, so i figured i would give you a peek into the everyday thoughts that flow through the amazing creation that is my mind. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it.

The Reflection

Alone in a room, it's just me and TRUTH.

A lone mirror stands and in it is my reflection.

"Who are you?" she asks.

"I am you and you are me."

"NO," she replies.

"I am the reflection of who you have become, not who you are meant to be."

"You see you have let doubt, hurt, and anguish take the sparkle out of your eyes. You have allowed the words and actions of others to take the joy out of your smile. You have found solace in the "good enough" and lost the will to persevere. I am not you, for you are not You!"
"But as I look upon you, I see my eyes"
"Dimmed by the selfishness you see."
"I hear my voice."
"Hardened by all the bickering to be heard!"
"I see my heart."
"Torn and tattered by trying to hold on."
"I see love."
"No what you have is hope and hope has no place for the intellectual. It either is or it isn't. It's just another way to keep you spinning in the same circle."
"But I see strength."
"We all must overcome something."
"I see honor."
"Honoring others is nothing, if you do not honor yourself."
"I see a confidant."
"But who do you confide in? No one, so you're just a dumping space."
"I see a woman."
"But what have you birthed, nurtured, and cultivated?"
"I am a Goddess!"
"Then act as such. A queen never takes what is just given to her. She loves nothing less than a King of her caliber. She demands her honor and gives it where it is due. She adorns herself in dignity and character. She is a sight to behold."

Have you looked in the mirror lately?

~Isis~

I lost me loving you....

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can learn to appreciate things when they are right and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

Recently I recalled the day that I received the photos from the 2011 Fashion Week back from the photographer. The artists colors popped, models were in stride, and everything seemed perfect. But what affected me the most was the picture of my friends and I. It was this picture that made me realize that I was beautiful. Ugh its one of those blogs, right. No this blog is about a woman who invested, supported, catered and loved someone to the point that she could not recognize her ownself.

Unlike most women (yeah right), I have been hurt in the past by the men who held my heart. Now I may not have given my whole heart at times, but 90% of me was there in full stride. Nevertheless I have been lied to, cheated on, drugged (chemically), and made to feel as if I wasn't worth his time. Now was I doing everything in my power to be a good girlfriend, but there comes a point where enough is enough. The one thing I learned about myself during those times is I shut down when I feel like I've been wronged. I start looking internally as if I am the problem instead of the other person. I become "Insecure."

Now despite moving on with my life, forgetting, and forgiving a lot; I didn't forget the red flags. And even though I know my triggers, I can't stop "shut down" mode. Now the counselor in me (go figure right) lives by evidentiary reasoning. If I can't prove it, then it didn't happen. Now ladies I am aware of the 6th sense called intuition. Its going off like an ol' school alarm clock.

Back to my point. I have been in the semblance of a relationship for over 4 years. In the course of these years, we have never gone on a weekend trip, been to a movie, or bowling. I have never gotten a birthday card, a back massage, or a romantic evening. As a matter of fact, I have a running joke with friends that if I come home and he either hugs me or kisses me on his own; its Armageddon. I get those tokens of affection semi-annually or at least that is what it seems. Now I have planned trips and romantic evenings, they've been cancelled. Bowling and movies, he doesn't have time. Sexy lingerie on the stairs, "I got a headache." So after 4 years of "No", "not now", "maybe later", "I'm tired", the occasional poke in the back, etc., you can kind of see where my self-esteem has gone. Now I have never been a person who needed to be bought or was clingy; I really am more of the care less type. But over time that attitude changed as more of the things that I wanted to do were never done and only the things he liked or wanted to do magically found a way into our scope of practice. If he gave me a compliment, there was a criticism that followed. The only flowers he ever gave me (get this, he actually told me this) belonged to a coworker who received them from her soon-to-be ex. The card was still in them. Ummm Yeah!

Now its the thought that counts, men usually say. But it was someone else's thought. He just piggybacked on it. It's like forgetting your mother's birthday and re-wrapping something you gave her 5 years ago. REALLY MY DUDE!!!!

I used to be this happy, bubbly person who actually enjoyed every aspect of my life.  Growing up I learned to appreciate the small things in life, so the big things really don't impressed me that much. People forget that the little things make the big things more beautiful. All I want----quality time. Not another damn car! I could understand if I was the nagging girl who constantly refers to marriage or having a baby; I want a day that I can spend with my man. And since I have not been provided this one request, I have become resentful, investigative, and down right untrusting (more to this one, but it fits). I have never met anyone person in life (substance abuse clients included) that is more focused on just they damn self.

I have invested time, energy, essence, 40-lbs, many tears, letters, poems, p90x, and a hell of a lot of money to feel like the girl with a bag over her head. Outside of the four walls, people think that we are just peaches and cream. You talk highly of me and are so proud to have me on your "team." But I have never heard any of this. Inside these four walls, few words are spoken, I'm always alone even when you're home, and I dont exist because you "got a lot on your mind." So do I. Did I tell you that my sister is having a baby and there's a good chance I may end up with the child. Oh, well you don't have time to listen anyway. Home is supposed to be the place of peace, serenity, and love. Interesting : /

But I realized something. Somewhere in here I lost the deep, passionate love for myself. I lost the ability to look myself in the mirror and know exactly who was looking back at me. I lost my self "consciousness." I lost the girl who wrote poetry because it was in me, the woman who exuded confidence like fresh morning dew, the songstress who always had a tune on her lips and my adventurous spirit. The ancients believed that we were all born with everything we needed in order to fulfill our destiny. We were given the power to speak to command what we needed. But if it is never received, the voice grows faint. We were given the power to manifest words on paper. But if the letter is never read or responded to, the pen stops writing. We were given the ability to move so that we could travel great distances. But if you never move forward, you remain in the same place.

I realize that I'm a reflection of the relationship I saw between my parents. Nothing my father did was good enough. All he every wanted was for my mother to love him back unconditionally. In everything she found a fault, no matter how trivial. I saw my father's spirit shrivel away. As an adult, I asked him why he stayed and his only response was "because I love her."

I am my father's daughter.

~Isis~

Home is no longer where the ♥ is

Does your significant other spend more time out the house than they do in the house? Do they find reasons not to be around or interact with you? Well before you point to cheating, lets look at whats going on in house first. People are always quick to ask the question is there someone else, like there cant possibly be anything wrong in their relationship. Home is supposed to be a place of peace and tranquility. Not to say its perfect or it wont be problems. But home should be therapy. Home is supposed to be your escape from the world. But all to often home is the place of nagging bickering, harsh words and foul thoughts. For those of you who don't know, at one point in my life i was married, and towards the end of my marriage is when i would rather have been at work than be home. So i know a little about this topic :). Every relationship is about communication and compromise. People must stop getting their relationship advice from pop culture. In case you haven't noticed these people don't know how to have relationships either. First thing first talk to each other, that's the only way that you both will know what is going on. No women men aren't mind readers. And men women are just as clueless about us as we are about them, they hav just oversimplified us to make life easier for them lol. But there is a time and a place to talk, remember what i sad earlier, home is a place of therapy. Both need to sit on the couch and work out their problems, and once you leave the confines of home no one should know about your problems. Which brings me to the next point, stop telling people your business and putting your business on social media, because anyone that knows you knows what your talking about. Most times, people only talk about a person when they get on your nerves. And people outside only see you complaining, but sticking around, then comes the comments about you being stupid, and you should have been gone. These thoughts being planted in your head only give way to you wanting to be gone. No one should know what goes on in your relationship. If you think about it most of your friends are single or in a relationship themselves. If they are single then they have a good reason to hate on your relationship because they don't have anyone, if they are in a relationship, then they probably go home and talk about your relationship, and laugh at you. KEEP YOUR BUSINESS TO YOURSELF.
Now if you think about it and your communication isn't lacking or causing the issue, you have to then look at things like your sex life or how often you do things other than sit at home, things like that. So we will touch on sex life. Both sexes have fantasies and things they want done, but then comes the issue of how to approach it. Sad to say in this day and age there are women who don't like to give head, not really a fantasy but something a man enjoys. There are still men who don't like to eat out, still not a fantasy but something we know that women love lol. Now i recently had this convo with 2 different women, one woman said she is cool with getting but not giving, the other woman said as long as she gets she has no issue giving. I brought up that to say this, are filling your significant others desires?? Not to say that they are out getting it from somewhere else, but if they are bored with whats going on at home, then why would they want to be there? It takes to to make a thing go right. You cant let the relationship die down, find spontaneous things to do, surprise that person. Nothing better than coming home to surprises. The only thing harder than getting someone is keeping em, and you have to be willing to put in the work to keep em. When you buy a car, you do everything in your power to take care of that car so you get the best performance out of it, why should your partner be any different, and guess what, if you two are maintaining each other, then no one has to be selfish and focus on themselves. Thus making the home a happy place yet again.
Now if none of this works, then that person is probably not interested and is getting their kicks elsewhere, in which case you should give them a kick......in the ass and out the door. But before you go to looking outside when a problem arises, try looking at whats going on within your walls.

Love,
The god

Ignorance-->fear-->hate

One of my friends put a post on his facebook page about the Trayvon Martin case. He feels that the issue is more than just racism, he feels that it is about fear that has been instilled through media and years of stereotypes. But i don't believe that, and its simple because i know many people who have chosen not to give into the ignorance delivered by stereotypes and the media. First off ignorance is a choice, you can choose to believe what your parents told you, you can choose to share your friends beliefs, or you can make the choice to go out and learn for yourself. Most children are told things to preserve their innocence, but when they get to s certain age of understanding they begin to learn that the things they were told to be false. I don't know any adult that believes in the boogie man, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny. They chose at the moment of understanding, not to believe these things. So why should stereotypes be any different. Why should we as adults go out and learn about other cultures. Learning is the path to understanding, understanding is the path to enlightenment. enlightenment is the path away from fear. Fear is also a choice, you can choose to fear something because of what it is or you can choose to respect it. There are things in this world that are way more scary than black people or Mexicans, or whatever race people choose to fear. Cars guns drugs, shit stepping out your door is scarier. I mean lions kill its a known fact, but stupid people still choose to play with them. The point I'm trying to get at is that people choose what to be afraid of, this is caused by their ignorance. Another choice. Hate is a result of fear of the unknown, but things will remain unknown if you choose not to know about them. And that is what ignorance is. Ignorance is the exact opposite of wisdom, wisdom is acting/speaking with knowledge, ignorance is acting/speaking with a lack of knowledge. If we took as much time to learn each other as we did to learn some of the other dumb shit that we do, then our society wouldn't face some of the issues that we do. Its up to everyone to over come the barriers of race and inequality that have been set. True freedom lies through knowledge, knowledge of ones self first, then knowledge of others.

Written from the Heart,
The god

You complain about what you have, but expect more.

You ever sit and hear someone complain about the things they have. They are always wishing they had more. Your sitting there thinking, "Would you STFU, damn i aint even got that." Yeah i sit and deal with that myself more often than i would like to. I grow tired of hearing people complain. Be thankful for once, and maybe, just maybe God will be nice enough to bless you with something else. I mean really, that's like me giving you a gift and instead of saying thank you, you start bitching about it not being what you want. Don't expect another gift from me. Once again human beings are so involved in their own bs they dont take the time to see the world around them. There are people in this world who have nothing, who are stuggling to make ends meet, hell they are struggling to make ends period. You should sometimes take a moment to stop and realize that, this could be you. But no you want more, and the crazy part is you want shit you wont even use. I mean really you complain about gas prices but you want another car, you complain about your income, but you complain about having to work for it. You complain because your dreams arent coming to fruition but what are you doing to make your dreams come true. These are the things you need to look at before you start complaining about what else you want. Sit and take a survey of what you have. I dont have much, and right now i am at a stuck point in my life. Yeah it upsets me sometimes, and it gets me down. But i realize i got here because of my choices, and i will only get out because of my choices. I am always thankful that my situation isnt worse than what it is. If everyone adopted this attitude, the world wouldnt be a better place, but it would be a start. Do me and the rest of us a favor and pull your heads out of your asses. Be thankful for something for once in your miserable lives, and maybe, just maybe you can get more.

No justice, No peace,
Osiris

Diamonds are FOREVER.....

There are many songs that say it, but it still holds true that diamonds are forever. Before i get to the meat and potatoes of this post, let me hit you with the appetizers. Diamonds are naturally formed over a long period of time, in conditions of the highest heat and pressure. Diamonds are known as the hardest substance on earth, they are used in some industrial applications to cut and and polish. Because of their hardness an rigid nature, very few impurities can contaminate the diamond, the few that do contaminate the diamond only help to make it more awe inspiring, by changing its color. That is where you get your blue, yellow, and red diamonds. Now the process used to naturally create diamonds, can be duplicated to create synthetic diamonds such as cubic zirconium or silicon carbide. But it takes special techniques to see the difference between the real deal and the fake.
Now what is the point of this post you ask? simple women are like diamonds, they are precious and of high value. No woman starts out as a diamond though, just like no diamond starts out as a diamond. Most of the diamonds i know in my personal life, have been through hell and have had the weight of the world on their shoulders, but they never buckled and they never wavered. They stood their ground and kept on to their goal. They have been through the heartbreaks and the disappointments, but they never let it ruin them they never let it break their spirit. They held on to the faith and hope that there is something/someone out there for them. These are the women that stand by their men and their convictions and beliefs. The impurities you attempt to contaminate them with only serve to make them more beautiful in the eyes of those that want them.
Now for those synthetic diamonds and those cubic zirconium, now if this is what you as a man can afford, or this is what your into then by all means feel free, but be warned, these will not last as long as the real thing. Over time they will lose their luster, and their flaws will become more and more apparent over time, they may also break in the right conditions.
Please don't think this post is aimed at the women, because men we need to learn the difference between the real diamonds and the fake shit. It takes a keen eye and someone who understands the special technique used to tell the difference. At first glance you wont notice the difference, it wont be until you get into the close and deep inspections that you will begin to tell which is real and which is fake. Don't be fooled by the fake shit, and if you do get fooled by it, then that should be your cue to learn how to tell the difference. No jewelery dealer in the world would let you sell them fake shit. in fact if you tried they would probable ban you from their store.
The moral of this story is this. Women be of true value and worth, so that when a man comes along that sees you for what you are he will appreciate your true value. Men know the true value of the women in your lives, don't pass up a diamond for a cubic zirconium.

Slave Mentallity

So just a few minutes ago a twitter account was brought to my attention. It belongs to a young white girl who has a deep hatred for black people. Yet and still she has black friends and a black boyfriend. What's sad about this is not her racism, thought ignorance is sad its a choice. What's sad is that the black people in her life still stand by her and support her. In not one of her tweets about black people has she excluded any of her friends or her boyfriend, yet these ignorant youths still defend her. This is what is known as a slave mentality. "Massa ain't so bad", "Massa been good to us, we should respect massa", "Massa is our friend". Get the fuck outta my face with that stupid step and fetch bullshit. If you are to stupid to see that someone is disrespecting you and everything you stand for and you choose to support that person, you need to wash your mouth out with buckshot. Some one said to me that the ignorance of others isn't my responsibility. THAT'S WHERE YOUR WRONG. I said it in an earlier blog, My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. Though I'm not old i have still seen, heard, and learned enough to pass on to those younger than me. I refuse to leave this world in the hands of a generation that doesn't know its history. It seems to me like we are going to have to fulfill Dr. Kings dream with Malcolm X tactics. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I can no longer stand by and watch my people be disrespected, and treated like gutter trash. it only takes a spark to set a forest ablaze, don't let me be alone in setting that spark. It takes a village to raise a child. We need to get back to the village mentality we once had, we need to get back to being responsible for each other as a people. The bullshit that's going on in this world needs to come to an end, its easy to turn a blind eye and have the thought process that it doesn't effect you. But what will you do when your loved one becomes the next Trayvon Martin, or the next Troy Davis. Don't wait till the ignorance lands on your doorstep to act, start now.

Here is something you cant understand.....

I had to learn the hard way that you cant tell everyone what you are going through. Sometimes people will try to downplay what your going through, or try to overshadow it with their own trials. Im not one to say that one persons issues are bigger than anothers. But problems are relative. What I'm going through might seem small to you, but to me it could be a mountain that needs to be moved. If i come talk to you, its not your place to judge my situation or to say that what I'm going through is nothing, if you are a friend or someone that cares for me, its your place, to maybe point me to some guidance, at least lend a non judgemental ear to what i have to say. I notice that people are so caught up in what they want, and what they arent given, that they choose not to listen to what people have to say. I often spend most of my time listening to others people problems, yeah i have my own, but that doesnt stop me from listening to someone who needs to vent. But what do i do with my problems? who do i go to to dump my baggage??? Where are the ears when i need them. Stevie Wonder said it best, "When you feel your lifes to hard, you just have a little talk with God." Another reason you cant tell everyone your problems, is that people like to have ammunition against you, I'm still trying to figure out whats to gain from this, but people do it. It isnt what you hear that causes damage, its what you hear that leaves your lips. People talk to damn much for me. We as a people are short on compassion, and i completely understand that its hard to have compassion for people in a world where most people try to get over. But you cant base everyones situation off of what some dumb ass has done. Just once try to listen to a person, try to put yourself in their shoes, and maybe, just maybe you can be the one to give that person a way out, instead of burying that person under more bullshit. Think about it.


The god.

WTF IS WRONG THIS WORLD.

I haven't written in a while and you must forgive me for my absence. But in light of recent incidents, I am dedicating this post to Trayvon Martin. In watching the news this morning. I am seeing so much that we know is wrong with our government and our society. So i would like to touch on a few things surrounding this tragedy. Though we don't have all the facts, there are just certain things about this, that just don't sit well with me as someone of intelligence. First off, once you take it upon yourself to pursue someone who HAS NOT threatened your life or safety in anyway, you become the aggressor. Zimmerman was told not to pursue Martin, he was told to meet the police when they arrive. He ignored this and chose to follow Martin. That was fuck up number 1. Lets look at the conditions of the night. It's raining, its dark. Trayvon has on a hoodie, and is eating skittles and ice tea. According to the 911 call, Zimmerman already labeled him as black, and said he looked suspicious and was on something. You all heard the tape. Now even after labeling and targeting this young man, he approached him. It was recently said that Trayvon had assaulted Zimmerman, i don't believe he did it without provocation. I mean lets be real, how many of us would respond positively to someone riding up on us in an SUV w/o identifying themselves. I know i wouldn't. Even if Trayvon whooped Zimmermans ass (which i hope he did) that still was no reason to shoot him. According to Zimmermans (BLACK) lawyer and friend, (gotta keep a black friend for times like these) Joe Oliver, after Zimmerman got Martin off of him, he shot him. Once you got him off of you you should have left it alone, an ass whooping is not a reason for deadly force. Even if it was self defense, forensic evidence should have been taken to verify that is was self defense, not the word of a white neighborhood watch officer, in a city known for sweeping its racist crimes under the rug. Yes this same police force tried to cover up a the deadly beating of a black homeless man by the former police chiefs son. The son turned himself in because someone caught the beating on tape and posted the video on YouTube. Then you have the idiots running for president trying to say this isn't an issue about race, yet all of them are white. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all white people are bad. But anyone who does not see this for what it is, is still trying to cover up the elephant in the room. But its too big to cover up, it will not be ignored any longer. Before we make the world take notice of us, we need to take notice of ourselves. What are we as black people doing to make sure this never happens again, even if there is justice for Trayvon Martin, what are we doing to ensure that we cant just be swept under the rug with the dust and debris. What are we doing to establish ourselves as valid. All that our civil rights leaders have fought for, and we still live in a world where a black mans life has less value than an animal. I for one will not stand by and tolerate it anymore, and neither should you. I will close this post with a quote from Genghis Khan, but I am going to alter it slightly. Because the time has come for us to be heard.

"We are the punishment of God, If you had not committed great sins God would not have sent a punishment like us upon you."

Let us be the punishment of God, not through violence, but through civil action, take control of the laws in your cities, be responsible. Its not enough to vote, but know what your voting for. Know who you are voting for.

Every fe/male is not a wo/man.....

It's been 1460 something days since I met you and I am wondering where the times has gone and what we have to show for it. I have done everything I can possibly do and yet it's not enough. I get criticism instead of 'thank you.' I receive 'I need' before 'hello.' I am only your "Squeeze" when you're trying to prove a point. But what is it that you're squeezing because it's not me. I see right through who you are. We can not grow and prosper because you are male. See I have come to understand why everything that has a wing-wang is male, but not every male is a man. The same can be said about females; just take out the wang and insert female and woman where appropriate. See people tell you where they are in life and if you are around long enough you will understand their place in their immediate families. If a male's mother always calls him her baby even though that male is almost 40 years old, you are probably dealing with an adolescent in a man's body. Why do you say? This simply is because he was never release from the umbilical cord. Mom still has the capacity to manipulate her son through a guilt trip. This same man will never be able to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex because he has never been allowed to mature completely. How often do we as 'Grown Ass' people come into contact with these supposed 'Adults?' Everyday. The sad thing is that some of these people are our parents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, pastors, teachers, spouses, and significant others. We spend countless hours in our lifetime being taught to be childish, manipulative, and selfish. How selfish can you be to get out of your bed with your partner to go get on the internet to masturbate? How can you get an attitude when you're asked to do 1 favor when you have asked for 100s? How can you claim someone only when it's convenient for you, but swear up and down you love them? These are just prime examples of realities has transpire everyday for some people.

See the problem really isn't them. It's you. You have no insight into who you are. They know they will never be more that what they are right now. They are a wilting flower, but they will continue to drain your life force as long as you remain unconscious to the fact of who you are. They will never know your worth or see you as an asset to their life. They will sabotage everything you do, complain about everything and treat you like shit. Why? Because they can and because you allow them to. Some people in your life are meant to teach you what not to be. But sometimes we love so hard and hold on so tight expecting so much, not knowing that they have reached their full potential. You can not make a FE/MALE be a WO/MAN. They either are or they're not. You will know by their behavior.  We stunt our own development by trying to hold on to these people. I have recently come to this same conclusion in my own life. Love is a very strong emotion and in the right relationship it can be awesome and adventurous. But when love is one-sided, it can become a numbing ache that dampens your whole life. Believe me I once was there.

The thing that we as WO/MEN must remember is that everything in life changes, transitions, metamorphosizes, evolves. Things that remain stagnant or reprobate are dead in spirit, soul, mind, and body.  Life has a beautiful smell and brings vibrance. Death is cold, callous, carries a foul odor.

What are you laying beside?

~Isis

If you don't someone else will.

It is a sad but true fact that what you don't/won't do for your significant other, there is someone else out there who is glad to do it for less than half the hassle. If you watch Katt Williams then you have heard him say "Nigga I'm the moth fucka thats keeping your family together, and you can't even buy a nigga a drink you disrespectful bastard!?!?!?!" there is a young lady on Twitter, and can't knock her hustle. But she is basically hooking on twitter, and she often states "If you don't suck your mans dick, then i will..." Another line Katt Williams has said and I'm loosely translating this is that if you don't suck dick don't expect certain things to be done, but if you do you can have any damn thing you want. Now I AM NOT CONDONING MEN/WOMEN CHEATING.....I REPEAT I AM NOT CONDONING MEN/WOMEN CHEATING. But if you significant other asks for certain things done and you choose not to do them is he or she really wrong for going elsewhere. I mean if i don't get fed at home can you be mad at me for going to Mcdonalds or Wendys or somewhere else to get some food??? Especially when i have asked to be fed?? No I am not in the wrong. I had a teacher in HS give me a very simple yet intricate key to relationships. he told me the woman you want to marry should be a woman you can talk to, a woman you can make love to, and a woman you can fuck. Alot of people don't believe thats true. But when you think about it, the woman/person described in is completing all desires. Now for those of you who don't know FUCKING is very much different than making love. It is more than just the motion of the feeling emotionally, it is the very act it self. When making love you want to be wrapped up in that person you want to feel like you are floating off of the bed, you want to feel raptured, taken away, not relevant to the time and space that you are in. But when you are fucking someone, male of female you want to be as nasty with that person as possible without taking it overboard. These are the things that keep your relationship from going stale. There is nothing like coming home to your woman dressed like a straight freak, and as soon as you open the door she is on her knees or on the couch waiting to suck your dick. Or for women there is nothing like having your man come out of nowhere and snatch you up and eat your pussy of fuck you like you were his favorite pornstar. I know i have been there lol. But it gives spontaneity to your relationship. It gives your significant other a reason not to go elsewhere. Some of y'all need to learn. Love is stronger than pride. Now whatever hang ups you have about certain things i understand its alot of shit mentally that you have to work past, but it is worth it especially when you truly love that someone and that someone truly loves you. You do what is needed to keep that someone happy because when it all boils down to it. If you don't do it, someone else will.

Stay blessed and stay free

Peace,

the god.

What the fuck gives you the right???

What the fuck makes people think they have the right to do whatever they want to someone and still lay claim. For example a husband cheats on his wife, when she decides to leave he thinks he can still lay claim to her and their marriage. NO NIGGA. It was cool when you was doin you now that she don't wanna fuck with your ass no more you feeling some kinda way and you wanna ruin her life. FUCK THAT man the fuck up and move on. You are seriously on some bitch made shit. And your former flame may have found that nigga that will tune your ass up. I'm sick and fucking tired of people fucking up and not wanting to let go. Here's a fucking Idea stop fucking up. Its fucking amazing that i cant have a relationship with someone because they dont want me killing their ex cuz his fucking ass doesnt know how to let go. and women dont think yall are exempt cuz yall do that bullshit too. Fucking with your ex just cuz you dont want to see him happy cuz you fucked up. Here is the bottom line, You have 2 options option A) stop fucking up that way you get to keep your significant other. Option 2) if you do fuck up then realize you fucked up apologize and pray that person wants you back. If they dont want you back then accept it and move on you had all this side action going on when you were with your significant other so im sure you can find someone to be with you. I mean whatever you were ding must have been worth risking your relationship or marriage. Honestly i dont give a fuck for the reasoning behind it. The shit needs to stop. Your selfish ass is fucking up alot cuz you want to have your cake eat it save a piece for later nibble here and there. GROW THE FUCK UP

Peace,
The god.

Yo Selfish Ass....

"You're such a great friend," "I can always count on you," and "Thank you for being who you are," are phrases that I am growing to despise because they only come after I have gone well out of my way to help you and you know damn well no one else wanted to help you.  Now I don't have a problem helping someone, but its the motherfuckers who literally take advantage of the fact that people are nice. Then on top of constantly using someone, they are completely self-centered.  How do you tell somebody what to do with their own stuff? I never understood that shit. Bitch really? Where they do that at? What part of the country do they teach people to be so fucking selfish that you literally don't give a damn about anybody other than yourself? Then you have the nerve to wonder why nobody wants to be bothered with you. Hell I completely understand why they don't fuck with you. People like this are entities that I consider to be "negative droids". These people drain you of your positive energy, sometimes unknowingly, just because of all the baggage they drag around.  They're needy, sometimes annoying, self-absorbed, and think brutal honestly is charming. In reality, all of this is a turnoff on many levels of relationships whether platonic or intimate.
Now my bf can be a selfish ass monkey sometimes, but we have it out often.  He goes a little too far left with his selfishness, but I check it when it gets to be too much to handle. Maybe some people need someone in their corner to cuss them the fuck out every once in a while to keep them level.  I might have to nominate myself as that person in a lot of people's lives. Now here is classic example of utter selfishness with a side order of rude as hell.
My mother, sister, and I were out shopping when my mom made a b-line to a black woman's favorite store other than the shoe store. The Beauty Supply Store!!! Any who, while my mother can irritate the snot out of my taking FOREVER to checkout, there was a line of other waiting their turn to be attended to.  Well this loud, extremely inappropriately dressed for her size, Europeaned out woman (she was over 18, hope she was nobody's momma) decided that she was going to make the Asian woman behind the counter make special arrangements for her.  "I gotta go! I don't have time to be waiting. I got shit to do and this is taking to long. Check me out now! Hello I said I gotta go now. I got stuff to do!" At that moment my mother looked dead at me because she knew I was getting ready to open my mouth. Now this is what I was thinking (because I have an old school mom who would have knocked me into 2017 for cussing in front of her), "Bitch have you lost your goddamn mind yelling at these people cause your trifling ass want to update your fucking weave? Nobody told your busted rude ass to be running late to wherever the fuck you supposed to be, but you not gonna jump my mother or these other people cause you never learned how to be patient. Try me if you fucking want to. I can show you better than I can tell. Promise you that. Jump, Judy, please I dare you, you scandalous hussy coming up in here wit you ass hanging out like everybody want to see that shit. Have some damn respect for yourself. What the hell is wrong with you!!!" This was a west-side moment brought to you by stupid. Stupid it comes in every shape, size, and ethnicity. Now back from commercial break. She was two good strides from a foot up her ass when my sister pulled me out of the store. I utterly despise selfishness.  You not the only motherfucker on the planet.  You might be the only one looking out your eyes, but if you're an organ donor that may not be the case.  Fuck around with the wrong person and I'm sure that you will get your opportunity. You feel me.
Yes the world has changed. Yes people are colder now that they have ever been, but that doesn't give you the right to be a less that decent human being. Lower class animals respect each other better that we do sometimes yet we have full reign of the world. I know the Creator gave us all the elements that we need to be considerate and empathetic passengers on this voyage we call life.  There is no need to run over, mistreat, use, or abuse someone just because the have a good heart or have a harder time saying no than your selfish ass.  Take a look in the mirror and decide whether or not you would want someone doing to you what you do to others. Being Needy or Selfish is not a good trait to have unless its for survival. Leave that childish shit in primary school. Do some Self-Inflection and find out why you feel the world must revolve around you. The truth may surprise you and not in a good way.

~The Goddess~

Cant move forward cuz your latched to the bullshit behind you.

Alight imma say this shit flat out. I'M SICK OF MOTHER FUCKERS TALKING ABOUT THEY HAVE A PAST, THEY HAVE BEEN HURT BEFORE, THEY CANT LET GO OF THEIR PASTS. I......DON'T......GIVE.....A.......FLYING........FUCK. Its very simple. You cant make forward progress because you are still holding on to the things in your past. Don't believe me??? Try this simple experiment. Find 2 people have one stand behind you and one in front of you now have the person behind you hold you back with all their strength, and try to get to the person in front of you. Now some people may be strong enough to get ahead with the weight of whats behind them. Good for you, but those of you who cant, that's a sign to let that shit go. Because of the past that you choose to cling to all of the baggage that comes with it will carry into any attempts you make towards a future. Example: you have trust issues stemming from a past relationship. you meet someone new and now that person is falling victim to the shit you should have been doing with the fucker from before, and because that person has decided that they don't like what you are putting them through they leave. And now you have chased away someone who was potentially good for you because you cant let go of your past. The thing about the past is that you are supposed to learn from it. There is a difference between being discerning and and not trusting someone. Your past is there to teach you to look out for warning signs of danger, not to make some up because you don't know how to let go. and the process of letting go is simple. First forgive that person because as long a you don't forgive them they have power over you. Second give everyone their own slate. Don't start me where you and your fuckhead left off cuz I'm not him. Third we all know the saying about assuming so, so i will just say this, don't assume everything you see/hear is as is. Communication goes along way. not everything you WEREN'T told is a lie.
And last, and this one doesn't apply to everyone, but look at yourself sometimes as the cause of some issues. It just sounds funny if everyone but you was wrong in every situation that you have been in. Ownership is the word of the year, take responsibility for your part in some shit. Every story has 2 sides, so know your side of it, understand it, and fix it. That's all the teaching I'm doing for today but this was mostly a venting session about some shit I'm just sick of seeing and hearing. Bottom line: FUCK YOUR ISSUES AND YOUR PAST. We all have issues and we all have a past. The difference is what we choose to do with the past and the issues. Use them to make us strong and push us forward or allow them to make us weak and hold us back. The choice is and always has been yours.

Peace
The god Osiris

Warrior

To Him...

He carries the spirit of his warrior king ancestors, the passion and thrill of the kill.

Yet it is not bloodshed that he seeks but the resurrection of the knowledge within.

His heart is pure; charged with a zeal for the reparations of those who have lost their abilities

To commune with the gods and goddesses of this very dimension.

He filters nothing, raises questions and charges into battle with no regard for his own life;

For he stands on the principles of truth and wisdom.

He is a spiritual awakening, healer of the lost soul.
He is the father of time, savant of knowledge, keeper of the peace.
His voice resonates through the trees;
Announcing to all that his presence is imminent.
He produces life through his very words;
Honoring the traditions of his beaten, tortured and tormented ancestors.
He breaths prosperity, ingests wisdom and overstanding.
He is the symbol of all that is fervent and enlightened.
He is never absent from those he loves,
For he has mastered the elements of Time, Matter, Space, Universal Law and Reason.

He is subjected by no man, yet bows before the four great winds.

He is the judge of all that is righteous;
The strength and legacy of his tribe.

He has come to reclaim all that was taken from him and those who never had a chance.
His passion is timeless, his rage unrelenting.
He is love unconditional, strength unconventional.
He is where all things great have come to commune in their purest form.
He is the heart of his mate, the adoration of his seed.
He is honored and feared.
Respected and validated.
He is God-Consciousness in the flesh.
He is King, yet he gives rise to the prominence of his Queen.
For only through their union can immaculate energy be manifest.
He is my Amen-Ra.
He is my Warrior King.
He is.
You.

~The Goddess~

The Team Roster

I know y'all have had the pleasure of being entertained by Kat Williams on one occasion or the other, but I was watching some of his comedy about the Franchise player and it got me thinking about the caliber of players I had drafted. We all have the repertoire of individuals on our roster that play different positions in our lives. Some good, some just make you scratch your head  and say "Y Lloyd?" As owners of our teams, we pride ourselves on the diversity of our bench and the strategies that we used to obtain our players. Let's look at the Line Up.

Megastar: Extremely rare in the game. They are the ‘one of a kind’ player; completely above the competition.  This person prides themselves in being the absolute best in any way, shape or form.  This is the person who exceeds all expectations; a record breaker.  They get snatched up damn near from birth.  They are the perfect complement to your life and you can almost find nothing wrong with them.  If you do find something, it’s damn near a quirk and somehow it’s cute. They have the knack for bringing out your best qualities. 

Franchise Players: Players in this category can be considered megastars in some aspects. She/he is the go-to on the team if there are no megastars. They excel in almost every situation. This breed is a little more common as this is what the All-Stars hope to become.  Most realize that they will never be Megastars because they have one to many kinks, but 85-95% of the time they’re on point.  These are the well-rounded compliments.  Yes it’s possible to do better, but it’s easier to fuck up a great relationship trying to move up the latter.  These are the “life timers,” the people that you hope to find to spend the remainder of your life with.  They are uncommon naturally as they are generally groomed over time, but are more readily available than the Megastar. It takes dedication, heart, and tenacity from a great All-Star to become a successful Franchise player.

All-Stars: The main difference between All-Stars and franchise players (and I stress this a lot), is that an All-Star does not succeed in relationships as much as franchise players. Now all franchise players could be considered All-Stars, but not All-Stars are franchise players. These are the people who have great potential, but they require some labor of love. An All-Star-caliber player can be in a relationship out of complacency. Because of this they need some final tweaking before they advance to Franchise status. Now the All-Star Player is generally where the Average Joe starts.  This is the next frontier for the Starter with ambition.  These are the “I can work with that” relationships. It might take a couple years but it’s worth the effort.

Starters: A solid all-around player, a player needed for more specifics than a role player, whether it be for solice, leadership, defense or other intangibles. Starters are just good players, and will always have a future but as far as making the All-Star cut, they probably will never make it. This is the person in your life that is just good people.  He/she may be good a few things, but can’t seem to get the packaging together.  They come up short in some vital areas, but overall they mean well. They can get the relationship started but don’t quite have the fundamentals to retain what they've started. These are the people who often present well, but it’s mostly external. This is generally where we start picking up new “relatives” and “friends.”

Role Players: Some role players are starters, but most are not. Some are used for their specific strengths in tight situations. This is the person you can call when the car breaks down, you need to vent, or hell you just need a good fuck.  This mofo is only good for one specific thing. This is “fuck buddy” territory.

Bench Warmers: These are the people in your life that you are just meeting, ones without placement or ones you fail to see.

Now the problem is when you have the players in the wrong positions.  It makes no sense to have your franchise player on the bench, but have the role players in the game. See we have a tendency to fuck up our own spirits because we do not want the responsibility of carrying the appropriate player in our line up.  Most of us have that 1 person who we could have on our team and know everything will flow.  But sometimes, we as owners, fake our own selves out of a championship because aren’t paying attention to the time clock, try to create “plays” that are inappropriate for the player(s) you have, or just can’t see the potential of the players on your roster. 

You cannot expect a Megastar and a Franchise player to ride the bench for indefinitely.  Eventually they will relinquish their contract because other teams with better communication, intellect, resources, and attentiveness have been making great offers. See you have to understand, just because they are playing for you doesn’t mean that the negotiations have stopped.  You might have won the draft pick, but trading happens all season long. Shit an aspiring Franchise player who knows their value will fucking walk off the court.  Every game has contingency issues.  “I will as long as...” Players get tired of being mistreated, abused, and neglected. Appreciation has action attached to it. There is a problem when other team owners understand the functionality and drive of your player(s). There are certain moments when man to man defense is required.  Offense is good but you win more games with great defense.

Don't fuck around and miss out on your Championship being Sidney Lowe when you should have been Phil Jackson.

~The Goddess~

Being Held Down By Holding it in.....

Why is it that men have such a hard time expressing themselves? Why is it that men find everything but the heart issue to speak on? Why is it that men hold in everything that is bothering them only to blow up at something that has nothing to do with the reason for their feelings? Simple, FUCKED UP TRAINING!!!!! From the earliest stages of childhood males are taught that pain and emotions are signs of weakness. We are taught to never let em see you sweat, and if you fall get up and dust yourself off and keep it moving. In the words of the repair man from WANTED its time to fix a lifetime of mistakes. There is nothing weak about expressing your feelings. In fact you are a stronger man for it. It takes a lot to realize an issue and to face the issues head on. Its almost the same as asking for help. Sometimes you have to do it in order to progress on life. Like Spoc on star trek you are emotionally compromised because you are holding in your feelings. Feelings and emotions are like the contents of a pressurized container, if you put enough into it at some point it will explode under the right (or wrong) conditions. Another reason why men hold things in, is a fear of self realization. They dont want to deal with or face the fact that they may be coming up short or not all they thought they were.
This is also ok. If you do not know where you are lacking how can you improve??? Here are some steps you can follow to fix your emotional fuck ups.
1. This may seem like some Bitch shit but its not when you are feeling something if you dont wanna verbalize it write it down but get it out your system. These negative feelings carry negative energy and at some point all that energy will have to go somewhere. Even positive feelings (mostly related to irrational emotions) can produce negative energy. Get these feelings off your chest in some way shape or form.
2. Don't wait to express whatever your feeling, sometimes its best to get the feelings out while you are in the initial emotion because you will get out the purest form of the feeling. You will hold nothing back and allow it all to come out.
3. Understand the reasons behind your feelings. before you aim at someone that has nothing to do with what you're going through know why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Sometimes you can be the cause of your own feelings. No one can do to you what you dont allow them to. What do i mean by that?? A person can only upset you if you let them.
4. Know the difference between emotions and feelings.

emotionsplural of e·mo·tion (Noun)

1. A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

2. Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc.
feel·ing (flng)n.

1.

a. The sensation involving perception by touch.

b. A sensation experienced through touch.

c. A physical sensation: a feeling of warmth.

2. An affective state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments, or desires: experienced a feeling of excitement.

3. An awareness or impression: He had the feeling that he was being followed.

4.

a. An emotional state or disposition; an emotion: expressed deep feeling.

b. A tender emotion; a fondness.
If you didnt understand these let me break it down for you. Your feelings are a result of your emotions....What does that mean....YOU EMOTIONAL MUTHAFUCKAS THAT DONT HAVE A PROPER REACTION TO SAID EMOTIONS END UP GETTING THEIR FEELINGS HURT BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO GET THAT SHIT OFF YA CHEST!!!!!!!
Learn to communicate. Its not always about knowing how to say something. sometimes people who are really there for you or really give a fuck about you will understand just from the emotion you are conveying. Im not asking men to turn into a bunch of weeping whiny bitches. But what im telling you to do is break the fucked up cycle of teaching our sons to be emotionally stiffled thats why we have so many woman beaters and motha fuckas who cant stay outta shit. They are hurting or going through shit and dont know how to express if because their fathers were fucktards.....dont be a fucktard, teach your son the value of expression.

Peace
Osiris the god